New Beginnings

02Jul08

Motherhood has thus far been a whirl of nonstop activity – from feeding and changing baby to sorting out daily misc stuff. Gosh it even takes effort to find time to rest and recover from the strain of pregnancy & labour.

I’m really glad we managed to prepare most of her stuff while I was in the 2nd trimester. Can’t imagine having to cramp those logistical headaches into the first week of baby’s homecoming. Poor hubs would have been too exhausted to take care of me. Lesson – it really pays to plan well ahead.

Qiqi sleeps most of the time and when she’s awake, she looks like she’s daydreaming, lost in her own neonatal world. We find it fascinating to watch her facial expressions during such moments. One minute she’s grimacing and frowning with her eyebrows all scrunched up and the next she suddenly breaks into a beguiling toothless grin, complete with a one-eye peek at you. I often wonder what thoughts of pain and pleasure run through her little mind. Is she dreaming fondly of her old habitat or recalling the uncomfortable squishing and squashing during labour? God knows really.

I love watching her little pouts and yawns and oh yes, not to mention, the variety of little cute sounds that she makes periodically, both asleep and awake. I can tell daddy has a real soft spot for her little whimpers.

Our greatest hurdle so far

Breastfeeding and correct latching was quite a hurdle to overcome for Qiqi and myself. With both of us new to the experience, it was quite literally a case of the blind leading the blind. Since BF is a natural process created by God, you would expect it to be hotwired into both mums and babes. But no. It required tremendous discipline, practice and persistence on both our parts before babe and breast took to each other. Even after 12 days, I still struggle sometimes to find the correct latch for Qiqi sometimes. On days when she’s exceptionally hungry and rooting madly all over, the struggle quickly dintegrates into a wrestling match, except we’re both wrestling for the same outcome.

But looking at the broader perspective, things ARE getting better. I have to keep reminding myself of this. The post partum experience, with all the hormonal fluctuations, has left me rather weepy and emotional. As a result I had a tendency to focus more on the negative, or failures as I would exaggerate them, (e.g. bad BF latching, Qiqi not drinking enough etc) while neglecting to see things from a more wholistic perspective. It is easy to understand why some women fall into depression, if not given enough positive round-the-clock support and encouragement from the people around. It is all too easy to focus on the baby and other logistical requirements while neglecting mummy’s emotional health and the occasional paranoia that surfaces in her mind.

Hubby and mummy have been absolutely wonderful in caring for me emotionally. With mum’s practical-minded approach, and hubs transformation into the more-than-obliging personal slave assistant, qiqi & me have learnt to adapt to each other. I don’t think I would have been able to come along thus far without them. Thank God for mummies and hubbies!

During quiet moments when I cradle Qiqi in my arms and look into her blissful countenance, I realise that the birth of this little baby is a testimony of God’s grace and love as well as the strong cords of love that bind our family together. When we do celebrate Qiqi’s first month in 2 weeks time, I know we’ll be celebrating more than just her birth. We would be celebrating the precious gift of love and family that God has graciously given to all humans to enjoy and cherish.

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